wait, isn't it a wicked good bar? where is this guy from?
My kid has conjunctivitis and the only thing keeping me sane is...
-
Hey guys. I went and it was everything I expected and more. He went as Hulk Hogan and was his usual hilarious self. I introduced him to this band I'm really into called the Bombpops, and he was surprisingly into it (women led punk band, didn't expect that to be his taste). I'll have a more detailed write up in a few days. I was a zombie most of yesterday and it being a busy time academically/being a parent I want to do this ethnographic account of my aging Italian neighbors dope Halloween party justice.
-
Hey guys. I went and it was everything I expected and more. He went as Hulk Hogan and was his usual hilarious self. I introduced him to this band I'm really into called the Bombpops, and he was surprisingly into it (women led punk band, didn't expect that to be his taste). I'll have a more detailed write up in a few days. I was a zombie most of yesterday and it being a busy time academically/being a parent I want to do this ethnographic account of my aging Italian neighbors dope Halloween party justice.
I appreciate the commitment. I would absolutely prefer a fully detailed account later than a half-hearted highlights account now. Will look forward to it.
-
7:15pm – 8:00pm
This is probably the most boring chapter, but it gets better. My wife and I arrive. We’re some of the first people there (4-5 other people there) and immediately, I notice Hilarious Italian Neighbor (hereon in: HIN) dressed up as Hulk Hogan. He’s got the Hulkamania shirt, the title belt, bandana, and everything. He greets us in the Hulk Hogan voice and insists on getting us drinks. We have Heineken’s because of course. His wife comes over and is dressed up as Elvira. I notice their dog isn’t there, and neither are the kids. We’re informed the dog is staying overnight at the dog boarding place because for wild parties like this he doesn’t want their dog to be scared or injured.
Say what you want about party animal HIN, but he’s a good dog owner. I mentioned that my wife and call it “dog jail” when we have our dog boarded. He found this phrase hilarious and decided he would be adopting it. I’ve never actually been in his home before, so we’re given the tour. During the tour he also mentions his high school aged kids are staying over at friend's house (read: drinking at an underaged party). At this point, he tells us to look at this small relic/statue of some Italian Saint, and his wife tells us about her. I don’t really remember the story because something happens. I’m tapped on the shoulder and am handed a Smirnoff Ice bottle that is lukewarm.
“BRO YOU JUST GOT FREAKIN’ ICED HAHAHA!” proclaims HIN.
I’m not sure where the hell he was hiding it, and to be honest I don’t want to know. Also, I thought this fad died like 9 years ago? Whatever. I take a knee and chug the Smirnoff Ice. It was black cherry. Never had it before. Not terrible. He reveals it was strapped to his inner thigh and is glad to have gotten it out because it was making his “fellas” cold. I inform him that he could have just used a room temperature one. He mentions that’s a good idea and that’s why I’m the p
...See full post -
8:00pm (ish) – 9:00pm
Shortly after 8:00pm, I’ve had a Heineken, Smirnoff Ice, and now I’m working on a local IPA I brought to the party. Feeling pretty good right now. But then, guess who arrives? That’s right, Italian The Mountain, and he’s dressed as Andre the Giant! HIN gets excited and loud (er than usual), and into character, letting Italian The Mountain know he’s going to let Hulkamania run wild on him. Italian The Mountain body slams him onto a couch and both have a huge laugh. Somebody says HIN has to bodyslam Italian The Mountain.
“Yeah I ain’t freakin’ body slamming his giant ass. Bro just let me do the leg drop and we’ll take some Jameson shots! HIN states.
And he does the leg drop. The pin! 1… 2… 3…! Everyone cheers! I do the ring announcer thing and say “Here is your winner and STILL World Heavyweight Champion, Hulk Hogan!” and raise his hand in victory. HIN goes over to the laptop that has the music playing here and turns on the Hulk Hogan theme. We strike poses to this theme and then like six of us do Jameson shots.
We’re shooting the stuff a bit; I explain my costume to somebody dressed as a vampire who just thought I was a mad scientist. They’ve never seen the show Rick and Morty. HIN is aware of it but has only seen it in passing when his kid is watching it. I show him the “that’s just slavery with extra steps” clip and the “let me out” dance from tiny Rick. HIN and the other guy dressed as a vampire enjoy it immensely and are now going to start watching it. More chatter, I finish my IPA.
Time for another Heineken. I’ve got a really good buzz going on right now. I mention I am disappointed that “Satisfaction” by Benny Benassi hasn’t come on the playlist just yet. He tells me “Well bro I’m gonna change that right now!” On comes Satisfaction and he grooves out to it with a Heineken in hand. My biggest regret in life now is that I did not get video foota
...See full post -
9:00pm (ish) – 10:30pm (ish)
I slow it down with some water and my wife does too. Now we’re talking to HIN’s wife, and another woman dressed as a Catholic schoolgirl about kids. They found it adorable that my kid has picked up on the word “uh oh.” For example, he’ll throw a tennis ball and say “uh oh!” and we’re like “hey that’s not how that word works buddy!” HIN’s wife leaves to go get some wine so we’re in a conversation with Catholic schoolgirl lady. Her kids are at her ex-husband’s for the weekend. She’s pretty drunk and is going on and on and on about him. We’re trapped. At this point, my wife, planning to leave anyway, has our kid and babysitter as an excuse. Something along the lines of “Hey the babysitter is off duty soon so I’m headed back home. Nice to meet you (lady whose name I don’t remember)! See you at home, don’t stay out too late.”
So now I’m stuck in this conversation with this lady who just won’t stop talking at me about how much her ex-husband sucks. I don’t disagree based on what she was saying, but you’re killing my buzz!
Thankfully, I am saved by HIN who busts into the conversation and say “Yo bro! What are you doing with that water it’s time for some Jagerbombs! Hey how you doin’ (whatever her name was)?” He practically drags me away to the kitchen to do Jagerbombs. I don’t particularly want to do Jagerbombs, but if my options are have a stranger rant at me about their ex or do a Jagerbomb… I’m taking the Jagerbomb.
So we get about six people in the room to do some Jagerbombs.
“What are we cheersing to?” asks Lincoln dressed as the f**king Hamburgler.
I parrot the classic Simpsons like “To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.”
“HAHAHAHA BRO THAT’S THE BEST f**king TOAST I’VE EVER HEARD!” says HIN.At which point, we do a Jagerbomb. I guess it was a modified Jagerbomb because w
...See full post -
10:30pm (ish) – 12:15am (ish)
The online BAC calculator suggests my BAC at this time would be about 2x the legal driving limit. As such, I feel about as good as the nerd character from the movie “Can’t Hardly Wait” at the party. As a side note, I made a topic about watching that movie on here a few weeks back. It’s such a fun movie, definitely recommend.The highlight of my experience with HIN at this party happened here. There’s random chatter going on, HIN turned off the music temporarily, and people, myself included, are watching random youtube videos on the television in the living room. Just then, I feel a rumble in my tummy, and head to the bathroom upstairs, assuming it will be private.
I’m playing a game on my phone and taking a truly epic dump. I’m a little spacey due to the booze and being into the game on my phone. Suddenly…
BOOM! The door is kicked open
“HEY BRO IF YOU TAKE A s**t YOU GOTTA GIVE IT BACK HAHAHA!” shouts HIN next to some dude in a devil costume who has a look on his face like “Oh my God he actually did it.”
He closes the door. I take a moment to process what just happened. In any other situation, and if any other person did that to me, I’d be furious. But the sheer wit and absurdity of the situation made actually okay with it. I finish my business, in peace, and return downstairs. I grab some water. HIN has a HUGE grin on his face. I tell him that was pretty clever and unexpected so I can’t even be mad. He’s close to, if not, funhammered. He starts bragging to the guy in the devil costume about how awesome and smart I am like I’m his son or something. Was pretty funny.
HIN wants to do more shots. HIN’s wife appears to be trapped in a conversation with Catholic schoolgirl lady. I don’t need more shots, so I go over by HIN’s wife to maybe bail her out and tell her the party has been fun.
BUT HIN’S WIFE OKIE DOKES ME AND LEAVES THE CONVERSATIO
...See full post -
12:35am
I am home. Having greeted my dog, chugged an entire gatorade, grabbed a giant glass of water, changed into bedtime clothes, and quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face, I now lay down to bed. No trouble falling asleep.
4:30pm, Sunday afternoon.
I’m walking my kid and dog and he is getting rid of some of the fall foliage on his front lawn. He greets us and told us the party was “a great freakin’ time” and hoped I had fun. I said I did, but I only just started to feel normal around like 2pm. I then asked about the silly string, to which he tells me…
“Hahaha, yeah. So I was waiting for my boy Italian The Mountain to take a dump, and when he did, I come in and I say ‘Yo did you know Hulk Hogan is also Spiderman?!’ and unloaded like half the can on him, hahaha. Yeah, he uh, didn’t like that too much.”
I say that’s funny and he knows how the throw one heck of a party, then tell him I’ll catch him around and continue my walk.
** Credits roll to the theme of “I Walked In” by Brougham. **
-
“He’s dressed as the God damn Hamburgler” made me laugh and snort for some reason.
“So it was hard to take him seriously.” Wait, others are dressed as Hulk Hogan and Catholic Schoolgirl and you were taking them seriously!?
Anyway, your story is awesome. I love it.
He�s dressed as the God damn Hamburgler, so it was hard to take him seriously.
-
�He�s dressed as the God damn Hamburgler� made me laugh and snort for some reason.
�So it was hard to take him seriously.� Wait, others are dressed as Hulk Hogan and Catholic Schoolgirl and you were taking them seriously!?
Anyway, your story is awesome. I love it.
He?s dressed as the God damn Hamburgler, so it was hard to take him seriously.Fair enough. I can't really take HIN seriously because, well, you've read about his antics. So it's a given. The other lady I could because I didn't know her and she kind of fit a certain type of person: a divorcee who is looking for a relationship and can't stop talking about their ex.
With Lincoln, it just doesn't fit his personality. Two other points as well: he went dressed as the guy who steals hamburgers for a living and I feel like going as the Hamburglar as somebody above the age of about 8 is just odd. Second, whenever I see the Hamburglar I think of the Simpsons episode where Homer goes to clown college and beats up the Krystyburglar and the kid says, while crying "Stop, stop, he's already dead!"
And I guess it's just a fairly niche costume. Have any of you seen somebody go as the Hamburglar to an adult Halloween party? I can't say I have.
-
8624 here: Dude, I’m not complaining. I thought both parts of that quote were hilarious, each for it’s own reason. Thank you!
?He?s dressed as the God damn Hamburgler? made me laugh and snort for some reason.
?So it was hard to take him seriously.? Wait, others are dressed as Hulk Hogan and Catholic Schoolgirl and you were taking them seriously!?
Anyway, your story is awesome. I love it.
He?s dressed as the God damn Hamburgler, so it was hard to take him seriously.
Fair enough. I can't really take HIN seriously because, well, you've read about his antics. So it's a given. The other lady I could because I didn't know her and she kind of fit a certain type of person: a divorcee who is looking for a relationship and can't stop talking about their ex.
With Lincoln, it just doesn't fit his personality. Two other points as well: he went dressed as the guy who steals hamburgers for a living and I feel like going as the Hamburglar as somebody above the age of about 8 is just odd. Second, whenever I see the Hamburglar I think of the Simpsons episode where Homer goes to clown college and beats up the Krystyburglar and the kid says, while crying "Stop, stop, he's already dead!"
And I guess it's just a fairly niche costume. Have any of you seen somebody go as the Hamburglar to an adult Halloween party? I can't say I have. -
Haven't had many funny interactions with him lately. I saw him while walking my kid and dog yesterday and just said a brief hello. He's not staying in town for Thanksgiving so I won't potentially witness potential relatives being hilarious and pounding Heinekens. :(